A father earning $185,000 a year thought he was making a responsible financial decision when he refused to borrow money for his daughter’s college education. Instead, the decision appears to have cost him something far more valuable: his relationship with his daughter.
Speaking on “The Ramsey Show” recently, John from Nevada said his daughter has not spoken to him for more than a year after a disagreement over paying for college.
“Right now, my daughter’s not speaking to me,” John said. “I never said I wouldn’t help her. It’s just, you know, I don’t want to put my family in danger for putting me in a loan.”
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He said the silence has lasted about 15 months and left him wondering whether there is any way to repair the relationship while still standing by his financial principles.
More Than a College Funding Dispute
The situation turned out to be more complicated than a simple disagreement over tuition bills.
John explained that he and his daughter’s mother were never married and have spent years navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship. Discussions about college often came with demands for immediate financial commitments but few details about costs or alternatives.
He recalled being asked not only about college expenses but also about helping buy a car, without being given much information about either.
John said he was open to helping pay for college, but he didn't want to take on any debt, especially for an out-of-state school that would cost a lot more.
At the time of the call, he said he earned about $185,000 annually and carried roughly $45,000 in debt.
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Co-host Jade Warshaw argued that the issue may have been less about the amount of money and more about how the message was delivered.
Instead of focusing on what he would not do, co-host George Kamel suggested John should focus on what he was willing to do.
“If she says, ‘But daddy, I want to go to this college,’ and you say, ‘Honey, I’m going to give you $15,000 for college. It’s up to you to figure out which school you can go to where that money will go the furthest,'” Warshaw said. “That’s a very different conversation.”
The Real Issue May Be Communication
Kamel said the conflict sounded like a symptom of deeper family tensions that had built up over many years.
He encouraged John to take the first step by apologizing for any communication mistakes and restarting the conversation.
“I did not communicate well,” he suggested he tell his daughter. “I communicated too late and that’s on me.”
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Warshaw also defended John’s refusal to borrow for college, adding that her own father refused to take out student loans on her behalf. While she disliked it at the time, she later came to appreciate the decision.
The hosts agreed that parents should talk about college plans years before applications start, so everyone knows what kind of help they can actually give.
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“This money thing is just like one baby symptom of years and years of broken relationships,” Kamel concluded.
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